Mr and Mrs Braun go to the Spa
By: John and Dena Braun
Dena: I admit it, no matter where I am in the world and no matter all the museums, historic attractions or famous sites to see, I inevitably will get just as excited for a day at a spa as a look see at the Mona Lisa.
John: To be fair, the Mona Lisa was kind of anticlimactic. But, I digress…this is about spa treatments. You know, the kneading of flesh, the application of all manner of sticky, stinky and slippery goo, and even techniques involving hot stones that I’m sure have origins in medieval torture chambers.
Dena: In other words, a whole manner of things many people will pay hundreds of dollars to enjoy, especially at a brand new spa like Spa Qualia, which had just opened when we visited Qualia Resort on Hamilton Island, Australia last November. We were signed up for a 90-minute couples treatment. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that anyone wouldn’t enjoy a total body rubdown with some of that “slippery goo.”
John: Yes, I’m man enough to admit that I’ve had some pleasant treatments. However, I’m not adventurous in this area. I prefer a good old-fashioned massage. Not to come off as chauvinistic, but I prefer a woman (to the two professional male massage therapists who’ve treated me, no offense) to massage me. After all, if I’m going to strip down completely naked and get under a sheet…
Dena: Throw him out of a plane, harness him to a zip line or send him rafting down Class V rapids and he’s fine, threaten him with a sugar scrub followed by an herbal wrap and he’ll turn weak in the knees. Go figure…and by the way, I always request a female therapist for him. I’m such a good wife…
John: Sugar goes in coffee. Herbs belong in the kitchen. But, I recognize that these treatments are increasingly popular with a huge number of people, and I really can’t argue with that. At the end of the day, it’s how the person feels after the treatment. I know it works when I see Dena after a treatment (whether it involves seaweed, rocks, herbs, citrus or any other different and unique flavor of the earth), and she’s as calm as early morning lake water. The treatment at Qualia brought her to new levels of calm. They were good!
Dena: Yes, it was immensely good. Despite the number of crazy spa treatments I’ve done, it’s pretty rare that I’m actually relaxed enough to fall asleep on the table and that definitely happened here. After the massage the therapists told us we had about 20 minutes to enjoy the bath (with herbs, poor John) before they would come back to put lotion all over us.
John: And, they didn’t tell me about the lotion. My therapist had hands of silken gold. She was good. So, when they finished, and asked us to soak in the bath that they drew for us, I didn’t realize the treatment wasn’t done. Following the bath, they had us get back on the table. I thought we were in for a double header, and I was game.
Dena: John likes lotion the way Superman likes kryptonite so I was laughing hard when they came back to rub him down. Poor boy was going to get moisturized whether he liked it or not.
John: I was in kind of a vulnerable position…lying naked under a sheet. So, what could I really do when I realized what was happening this time around? I did what any man in my position would do. I kept my mouth shut, and enjoyed it.
Dena: Slowly but surely I knew I’d win him over to the spa way of life.
John: Win me over? Not quite, but I do know when best to go with the flow (of the sticky, stinky, slippery goo).
